Animal Noise Identifier

This app with 100 percent accuracy* identifies animals by their calls and grunts. It listens** to the sounds the animal is making then runs what it hears through a sophisticated algorithm***, to determine which of the countless**** creatures it has in its database it is hearing. The app then informs you of the animal it has identified by displaying a high resolution photo taken by one of our crack wildlife photographers in the animals natural environment.*****

*Okay, maybe not 100 percent accuracy. Would you believe 60 percent accuracy? 40 percent? 10? No. Okay then, so I see you've tried the Animal Noise Identifier already.

**Well, the app plays a little graphic that claims it's listening.

***A random number generator.

****Five.

*****By "high resolution photo taken by one of our crack wildlife photographers in the animals natural environment" we mean low resolution cartoon I culled from non-copyrighted pictures available on the internet. What? You think I should go outside and take real pictures? That's crazy talk. There is absolutely no way to determine what might be lurking in the bushes just from the sounds you're hearing. I'd have to guess randomly. Just like this app.