Best Random Jokes

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups. Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

*New jokes added weekly
*Submit your own joke for inclusion in the app.
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Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision.
F**k, how fast must they have been walking?"

"Do you ever wonder where people got their surnames from?
Perhaps Mr Baker was a baker, Mr Butcher was a butcher and Mr Butler was a butler etc.
How very apt then that my name is Mr Dickinson!"

"Ponderisms:
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
..."

"Some of the finest double-entendres that were aired on British TV and Radio.
1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is a really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford Crew."
5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"
6. ..."

"I nearly s**t my pants on the tube this morning.
It was okay though, I managed to pull them down just in the nick of time."

N.B. Permissions are required by the Ad networks, which keep the app free.

*****Disclaimer*****
Appsolutely Fabulous, takes no responsibility, for the content of this app. None of the jokes were written by anyone at Appsolutely Fabulous, they were all either sourced form the internet or sent in by the users of this app. We accept no blame for any offense caused, care has been taken to remove offensive jokes, however it you are offended by any of the jokes please report them to us via the app and we will consider the joke for removal.