Drink and Drugs Jokes

*Think you’re funnier; then submit your own jokes for inclusion in the app and get the credit too.

*Warning, these jokes contain swearing and topics of an adult nature and as such are intended only for grown ups. Please do not download if you easily offend you will only get upset*

*New jokes added weekly
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Examples of what's inside (jokes are not censored in the app):

"I hate people who take drugs...
Such as Policemen, Customs Officers, etc..."

"THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Donner kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. ..."

"Beer vs. Vagina
1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
One point to BEER
2.Warm beer tastes awful.
One point to VAGINA
3.A really cold beer is satisfying.
One point to BEER
4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit.
One point to VAGINA
5. ..."

"My local's rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night.
First question was, "What the f**k are YOU looking at?""

"An 'alcoholic' on the Jeremy Kyle Show just admitted to drinking 'eight or nine cans a day.'

F*****g p***y, I can drink that in four hours."

*****Disclaimer*****
Appsolutely Fabulous, takes no responsibility, for the content of this app. None of the jokes were written by anyone at Appsolutely Fabulous, they were all either sourced form the internet or sent in by the users of this app. We accept no blame for any offence caused, care has been taken to remove offensive jokes, however it you are offended by any of the jokes please report them to us via the app and we will consider the joke for removal.